I was just going about my life. Everything was going well. Then we decided we needed new life insurance policies because ours had gotten excessively expensive. I’d recently had doctor appointments that all reported good results so I didn’t foresee any problems. We had to have more health tests and underwriting. Easy peasy, I thought. My husband’s policy was accepted within a few weeks. Weeks dragged by for mine, however, and I began to wonder what was going on.
Every week, once or twice, someone would call with an update which was really no update at all. It seemed there was no progress at all so I asked what was holding everything up. They said they wanted more medical records. Soon I felt like they were trying to find something wrong with me, and I became angry and fed up with the entire process.
My mind began wandering to morbid thoughts. I decided to find out how much funerals cost and what arrangements were necessary and which weren’t. Laws may differ by state, but I concluded that I wanted it simple and not expensive. Just buy me a pine box online and bury me fast with no embalming.
It took three months for the underwriting process to be completed, then another month to wrap up the deal. It cost more than originally quoted because the c-word showed up in my records. All the other good stats didn’t matter. Someone told me not to take it personally because to the insurance company I’m just a number not a person, and it’s a gambling game to see who comes out ahead.
Facing our mortality is sobering. I don’t like to think about it. I remember in my early 30’s an elderly woman exclaiming often how she couldn’t wait to meet Jesus; however, when she became ill, she asked for healing prayers just the same. We may find comfort knowing that when we die we get to spend eternity with Jesus, yet I don’t know anyone anxious to cross over just yet. I suppose it is because even with pain and sorrow here, we know this life, and we have our loved ones we don’t want to be parted from.
Still to live is to live for Christ and to die is to be with Christ. Why do we fear? Perfect love casts out fear so if we focus on Jesus and trust that He has everything under control, that what happens is for our best, we should not fear. Whether we live another week, another year or several decades, each day should be seen as the gift it is. Yet we don’t often look at life that way. It’s a list of things to accomplish and people to see. We rush from this to that, never really giving thought to how precious each day is. We hurry along, brushing over conversations that perhaps we ought to savor.
I don’t know, but it all made me very sad. I’m not even sure that life insurance expenses are worth it, but if for some reason I have died by then, I don’t want to leave my family burdened. It’s just a hard call with all the noise.
I’m trying to find peace. Worry doesn’t add anything to our lives. It only steals. We know who the thief is, who the deceiver and liar is, so why do we allow him to distort our days? We don’t know what the future holds, but we do know who holds the future. We know He wins so we win. Our faith assures us we can trust Him for now and for the future. We are in good hands. We don’t need to be afraid.
Do your thoughts ever get stuck there?