My desire to write began as a young girl. The writing dream persisted even when I tried to ignore it or bury it. Doubts and obstacles often threaten to extinguish the dream. Yet hope rekindled brings me joy and encourages me to keep pressing on to finish the work started.
Through the decades, I have published poetry, essays, newspaper articles and features, a column, and marketing materials such as press releases, newsletters, brochures, advertisements, and such. A few awards for my short stories in younger days brought thrills. But all of that means nothing in the current season. That’s all the past. Today marks a new beginning.
Hope deferred makes the heart sick
When I finished homeschooling, I thought my latent dream of becoming an author supplemented by freelancing could begin, but obstacles kept rising up. My initial “first day of my new career” penciled on the calendar said June 17, but by August, I still hadn’t started.
My frustrations all seeped out with a grief so deep I thought it was like grieving a death. Tears continued. My heart grew so very heavy. Despair over ran any sliver of hope.
Have I wasted all this time and effort? Am I really following God’s plan? If I am meant to do this, why is chiseling out a few hours a day so hard? Why does my schedule continue to be disrupted? I felt disrespected, unloved, unheard by those who knew my goals. I wondered if this was my plan, not God’s. So, I surrendered again, but regrets and disappointments still overwhelmed me.
How could I invest so much time, money, and effort into this writing dream and just let it die? Why would this seed even be planted in my heart if it had no purpose? If my dream fails, if it means nothing, and I have wasted my life chasing a fantasy, what am I to do? Why does it hurt so much?
I cry out for guidance, for help. I seek to do what is right. I hate to waste time, money, and efforts. My grief floods my soul. I hurt. Life lost its allure.
Down in this pit I remained, trudging through the daily routine, feeling everything was pointless.
But a longing fulfilled is a tree of life
Then I read a devotional by Dianne Neal Matthews in Mornings with Jesus. It was about her grandson’s fishing dream, but the day’s faith step read, “Are you on the verge of giving up on something—a prayer request, a God-given dream, a relationship?” Pow!
Are you on the verge of giving up? “Keep on_____________,” it advised. For me, it whispered, “Keep on writing. Don’t give up your writing dream yet.”
In my study of Isaiah, I read about trusting in the Lord twice that day.
The flame of hope burned a little brighter. I sat down at the keyboard and wrote. Writing brings me happiness. It must have a purpose for me. Maybe my writing is just for me. Maybe my writing touches others. Only God knows. That will have to be enough. It is all I have.
What have you been on the verge of giving up? How have you pressed on?
For more information about receiving Mornings with Jesus, visit www.guideposts.org.
For more encouragement, read more here: https://www.michellekaderlywelsh.com/god-still-speaks/ .