Letter to teen girls: dating can wait; know who you are first

Sometimes we should dare to question some of the cultural norms. Take dating, for example. Dating in middle school is ridiculous. I believe dating can wait until after high school when people are more mature. I have advised my daughters to not get sucked into the boy-girl relationship frenzy. Now is the time to explore their interests and determine what they want in their future. Why waste time with all the drama that consumes so many?

A confident high school or college girl is busy pursuing her interests and dreams. Having a plan helps her concentrate on her studies and goals. Each of us is unique, so, girls, do not conform to what everyone else is doing or being—be true to yourself. Don’t let your life get preoccupied around a boy so that in the process all you do is what he wants, and all you do is wait around to be with him.

Don’t do that. He isn’t sitting by the phone waiting for you to call to come over. He’s out living. You do the same. Live. The right relationship—the forever love you desire—will come in time while you are out being yourself. The right guy is going to love the real you, not the pretend you, so BE yourself, share your interests.

Be active, participating in your activities, advocating your causes, making a difference in this world by caring for others, making the world a better place.

You do not need to be in a relationship to be valued, important, loved. Now is the time for you to explore your interests and find out what path God wants you to follow for your life. The opposite sex can just confuse you and get you off track. Be friends. Love that lasts usually starts out slowly as friends.

I have noticed girls who are sad because their guy isn’t by their side 24/7. That will never happen so rid yourself of that unrealistic expectation. Breathe! Let him breathe. The only person who can make you happy is yourself. To be completely at peace and to be totally loved can only be found in Jesus Christ so don’t burden yourself or someone else with that requirement; let Jesus fill that void and let your companions enjoy the journey with you. We each have our own path so don’t get all caught up in the fact that yours doesn’t match someone else’s. It isn’t supposed to be the same, and it won’t be the same even if you try.

What excites you? What is it that you love to do that energizes you and makes your heart sing? Make time for that. Enjoy friendships. If a boy doesn’t share that passion, then let him go find friends that share his interests. You shouldn’t live your life constantly compromising.

And never compromise your values. It is never worth compromising your values. Don’t do it. You’ll only lose respect from others and from yourself. Don’t neglect asking anyone who wants you to compromise that to leave. You don’t need them. You just don’t.

Once time is lost, you can’t get it back. Do you want to grow older and one day wake up angry because everything you loved and wanted, you put on the back burner so you could do what someone else wanted? No. No, you don’t. We each get one life so let us live it to the best of our ability, with the guidance of God and wise mentors.

Find yourself, have friends, be true to who God made you to be, and don’t sit around waiting on a man to hang on him—instead hang on to Jesus and let the man win your heart—and make it a challenge. Real love is worth it. While you’re out living, you’ll discover each other.

You don’t have to rush growing up. You’ll get there fast enough.

4 thoughts on “Letter to teen girls: dating can wait; know who you are first

  1. Good advice, Michelle. I hope this is going to be in your new novel. Every middle school and high school girl needs to read it.

  2. Well said, Michelle!!! I’m always surprised by the number of barely 13-yo kids who have boy- or girlfriends. IMO, that’s way too young. Our kids need to just be kids.

    1. I agree. I see that it causes them a lot of unnecessary pain that could be avoided. Dating is supposed to lead to marriage to the right person so what person that young is ready for all that responsibility! Thanks for kind comment. 🙂

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